SasuNaruRamen
by mister.person
Summary: The great Sasuke's ingenious plan of getting into Naruto's pants may not be that well planned out. And what are the ramen in Naruto's kitchen planning? SasuNaru, lingerie, ramen...zucchinni. Lots and lots of it. Flames shall be used to feed our burning de


Disclaimer: Nothing here belongs to us except the Ramen, which explains why they are currently handcuffed to our bed and being forced to watch Teletubbies Gone Wild re-runs for the rest of eternity (or until we get a new fetish).

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'That son of a moo,' Sasuke muttered in his mind as he glared at his offending victim with a burning intensity rivaling that of a thousand pictures of a sexy, wet and naked Dousu covered in pickled plum juice.

'Dammit Sasuke! You're supposed to be staring at this ramen until it stops being so awesomely delicious and taking my precious foxy little Narutos attention away from me! Damn you, Dousu!' Sasuke inwardly screamed at himself as he took back the tedious task of staring that godforsaken ramen down. So far, all Sasuke had gotten in response to his Sharingan death glare from the ramen bowl was a few suggestive leers and cheesy pick-up lines. Sasuke was ripped from his business of making that ramen wish it had never been ground, boiled, flavored, and served in Narutos pretty pink kitty bowl by none other than his own cute-adorable-sexy-sweet-delicious honey coming out of the bathroom and straight for that godfuckingdamnit ramen bowl.

"Ahem," Sasuke cleared his throat, attempting to muster up some attention from the blonde, all in vain of course, for Naruto was too busy fondling and sucking and groping that ramen like the day after tomorrow.

'Shit, he looks so sexy sucking on that ramen. And the way the noodles that didnt make it to his mouth are sliding down his shirt is so arousing," Sasuke reasoned as he inched closer to the blonde.

'Holy flying zucchinni balls wearing Mexican sombreros!' Sasuke gasped as his pants tightened around his waist at the sight of Narutos very talented tongue twisting and turning and licking that pink ceramic, making Sasuke wish for the first time in his life that instead of human he perhaps could have been born that lucky son of a bitch carnation colored bowl.

"So, uh, Naru-kun," Sasuke said confidently as he regained his composure and swung a sly arm around Narutos thin waist. "now that you're not... preoccupied," He continued, pausing to glare with unabridged and pure hatred at the now tipped bowl, "maybe you and I can, well, you know...have some fun." The onyx haired boy cocked an eyebrow seductively as he leaned in closer to his smexy little blonde.

'You're all mine now, my little gigglebottoms.' Sasuke sneered in his mind only to be crashed back down to earth by said 'gigglebottoms' outburst of: "Have fun? Sure!? I'll go make some more ramen!" And nay, the ingenious Uchiha Sasuke's ingenious plan of ingenuity to get into our beloved blondes pants had...failed.

'Curse you ramen! CURSE YOU!!!' Inner Sasuke yelled at the top of its parodoxical lungs and proceeded to paradoxically kill himself in his head over and over again.

"No problem," whispered Sasuke as he slowly calmed down, climbing atop the fuzzy purple couch in Naruto's living room for emphasis and screeched out "for I am the great and mighty Uchiha Sasuke! And I shall not be manipulated by any little fox demon boy thing, no matter how sexy or arousing or fuckable he may be!"

"Sasuke?" Naruto called out from the kitchen, still fawning over his godlike ramen. "Are you OK?"

"Uhhh...yeah sure, whatever."

"Riiiiight...well, im done with my ramen. Damn that was better than sex." Replied Naruto innocently as he made his way back into the living room and joined Sasuke on the fuzzy purple couch.

"...ramen...you...shall...die..." Wheezed Sasuke under his breath, as the uncooked ramen in Narutos cupboard shivered and huddled together in fear.

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Ramen packet #1: Dude, you really think he's onto us?

Ramen packet #2: Hellz nah G, the little queer thinks were after blondie. Little does he know that our ultimate evil plan shall leave even the most powerful ninja on their knees just begging for their death! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ramen Packet #3: Shit, man, he scares the wheat 'outta me when he does that...

Ramen Packet #1: Ditto. I mean, what the hell is he talking about? I was merely implying about our simple and holy quest to find who stole Nancy Drew's lingerie.

Ramen Packet #3: I know. When I get my noodles on that son of a zucchinni, I swear i'll make sure he never makes it into any respectable FDA approved supermarket in his life!

Ramen Packet #1: Hey, calm down Pablo, I know how you feel about this, I know its hard for you, but please, just calm yourself and dont act recklessy. Your chakra level suffered greatly during our last bout, please, take care of yourself...for me.

Ramen Packet #3/ Pablo: Francisco, I never knew you cared for me so much...

Ramen Packet #1/ Francisco: I do. I have never felt so strongly about any wheat based soy product with such high sodium. You and I, we can-

Ramen Packet #2: Can you queers shut the hell up so we can get back to the story please? Go undress each other with your eyes elsewhere!

Ramen Packets #'s 1 & 3: Awwww...

(A/N: There's your healthy serving of ramen yaoi for today.)

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"I feel as if a packet of ramen just confessed it's love for another but is being shunned by society for their forbidden love."

"What the freaking moo, Sasuke?"

"Sorry, gigglebottoms. That movie we watched last night got to me. It got to me in places..."

"Uhhh...yea, sure Sasuke, whatever." Naruto slurred as he scooted himself farther from the psychotic emo boy.

"Speaking of last night, my dear gigglebottoms, I stopped by KunaiBuster on the way here and picked us up a few flicks that might help...set the mood." Sasuke giggled as he pulled Naruto to him by force, latching his lips onto the poor blondes unprotected neck and proceeding to suck, kiss and bite the spot relentlessly for a few mind numbing seconds until loud mouth broke the silence.

"You got us porn!?" He yelled, taking advantage of Sasukes surprise at his outburst and pushing him off his now sore neck.

"Not porn, you pervert!" Sasuke countered a few moments after the disappointment had worn off, glaring at Naruto for a fraction of a second. 'He's too adorable damnit.'

"Well then, what is it?" Naruto watched in horror at the two movies Sasuke took out of the box.

"What the fucking hell, Sasuke! Obviously three years with that pervert pedophile defiled you beyond repair. You're worse than that boy slut Neji!"

At this comment, Sasuke gasped and decided his gigglebottoms had crossed the line no respectable man should ever cross.

"Gigglebottoms how dare you compare me to that man whore Hyuuga whom everyone and their mothers have slept with!?"

"Good point. OK, you're not THAT whorey, but those movies look like something out of Sakura and TenTen's girls night out sleepover...without the yuri." Seeing the hurt look on the Uchihas face Naruto added, "Sorry, Sasuke-kun. Am i forgiven?" With this, Naruto shot Sasuke his number one on his 'Get Sasuke to forgive me and avoid getting brutally raped' list: the naru-fox pout. Of course the horny and quite stupid Uchiha could not resist (more like the little monster in his pants could'nt resist), and he altogether forgave Naruto for his horribly horrible most unforgivable of all crimes insult.

"OK, gigglebottoms." Naruto sighed and leaned back on the couch, relaxed.

"Sasuke?" No answer.

"Sasuke?" A little bit louder. Still no answer.

"Damnit, Sasuke are you stupid!?" Naruto yelled as a pillow was thrown across the couch at the face of an idiotically smiling Uchiha.

"Sasuke? He's not here right now..." Sasuke replied coyly, as Naruto realized Sasuke's point.

"Aww, godfreakingdammit Sasuke! Ugh...fine..." Naruto choked out as if someone were feeding him pure crap like Sen fed Haku in Spirited Away (A/N: Are we the only ones that found that weird?). "My precious little chocolate ducky-poo, will you PLEASE just pick a movie and get this over with?"

"Thats better. Of course i will my little gigglebottoms, you're little chocolate ducky-poo is always at your service." Sasuke purred out as he bent over and popped the tape into the VCR and provocatively made his way on all fours to where Naruto was curled up, pouting in humiliation and pissiness.

"Awww, my little gigglebottoms are you PMSing? Would you like some pills?" At the realization Sasuke was actually serious, Naruto yelled out, "You fucking fuckwit fuckface are you fucking dense!!! You go wrap up your index fingers in tape and jutsu them up your ass all night long! Im sleeping at sensei's tonight!"

With that, Naruto stormed out of his apartment and ran as fast as he could toward Kakashi's house, leaving a very depressed and emo ducky on the fuzzy purple couch, sobbing his worthless little behind off. At the sound of said little gay boys uncontrollable wailing, our 3 favorite ramen packets decided to magically appear on the fuzzy pink and orange coffe table in front of Sasuke.

Pablo: Little gay boy, why are you crying?

Little gay boy/Sasuke: What the fuck?! Who the hell are you!?

Francisco: Hey! Dont talk to my girlfriend like that you little turdfucker! Go masturbate with some zucchinni!

Pablo: Oh, don't be like that ,honey, can't you see the poor boy is dealing with type 3 rejection?

Francisco: Type 3? That's pretty crappy. But still! You have no right and we are leaving!

Sasuke: My gigglebottoms did'nt reject me! He just...um...forgot something at our teacher's house and had to go over there in the middle of the night to get it, yea that's it!

Pablo: You poor delusional douche.

Francisco: laughs Yea sure, I suppose he left something at your sensei's house all those times he sneaked off while you were sleeping? Damn, that little fox can scream, I mean, not a day goes by when I dont wonder how those cries of "Oh! Sensei, harder!" Don't wake you up. Those must be some damn good wet dreams of yours lemme tell ya'.

Sasuke: sobs...why, gigglebottoms, why?!

Pablo: Holy tuna this kid's pathetic.

Francisco: Let's go have some hot, sweaty ramen sex.

Pablo: Ehhh...sure, I guess.

Unnamed Ramen Packet #1: Can I join?

Pablo: Roberto? I thought you were straight.

Roberto: Yeah, me too.


End file.
